Dec 29th 2008

.. It has been 10 years since my father passed away, and so much has changed. I miss him even now, but I have good memories so I consider myself extremely lucky. At 17 I didn't think how it would be a year later or 10 years later. For a very long period of time I think I lived day by day without any aspirations. Now I look forward to the future, I wonder how my life will be next year, and the years after that. I wonder in which country will I grow old? Will I have my own home? How many kids will I have? Will I be healthy for the next 30-40 years?

I am looking forward to the coming year with much excitement. My husband and I are going to be parents for the first time. As a future parent I look at my own childhood and at the way my cousins were raised to get an idea what our parents did right or wrong. Some of the people I know are have more quirks than others. I want to be a good parent and have a good kid ( the lesser the quirks the better). I don't think there is something such as a perfect parent or a perfect kid. Everything is circumstantial and depends on fate. If my husband, our baby and I are lucky things will be good. I believe that everyone has their shares of problems in life, and the way the problems are dealt with show what a person really is.

I don't think it makes sense to think a great deal and plan extensively for something that is most likely out of our control. It is good to be prepared, but there is no point ever regretting any decision or choice that was made in the past. There is only so much that a person can do, regardless of whether the person is a parent or a child. My mother's voice echoes in my head.. "you can take the horse to the water, but you cannot drink the water for the horse".

I believe that my brother and I turned pretty good, we are not insensitive people. Other than hurting our mother's feelings occasionally we wouldn't have said anything nasty to anyone else. Coming from my family.. that says something :). We work hard, we have a good time, we are moderately religious. Last but not least we are doing everything in our capacities to ensure a good future for ourselves. I would say that my parents gave us good values and brought us up well. They never argued or fought in front of us. They didn't pamper us or tell us that we were the smartest kids in the world. They respected their elders and made sure we did too. I think my brother and I gave our parents a hard time when it came to our diets, but we are not skinny or obese people yet :). If I have to grade my folks on the way they raised me I would most likely give them an A+.

I think I have grown as a person, instead of mourning and thinking about the trip to the hospital and many other things that I used to, I can only admire both my parents, their efforts and the results of their efforts.